According To Ivana Trump’s Book, Donald Trump Has ‘Super-Duper Sperm Coming Out Of His Trump Tower’

One of the most effective forms of birth control is a fitted IUD, which only has a 0.1% failure rate. But despite using this contraceptive method, Ivana Trump, the first wife of Donald Trump and mother to Ivanka, Donald Jr, and Eric, claims Trump still managed to knock her up. According to Canadian Dr. Jen Gunter, there is only a 0.0008% chance of that happening.

The account of Trump’s miracle ejaculate is detailed in Ivana’s new book “Raising Trump.” Gunter jokes that “The Donald, our President, has super-duper IUD-busting sperm coming out of his Trump Tower.”

Or, a better explanation is that the IUD slipped…or, more likely, she’s lying.

Gunter has another theory. Ivana’s story is:

An anti-abortion dog whistle. Three unplanned pregnancies and no abortions! While Donald may have been worried about what happened if Donald Jr. became a loser at least he made good on those unplanned pregnancies!

For Gunter, the hardest thing to imagine is that she actually had to write it, saying that “So we are going to discuss IUDs and Trump sperm. Yes, I threw up in my mouth a little as well (and I guess one could say this post is still on theme about things one shouldn’t put in one’s vagina).” And this Truth Examiner staff writer must agree. We somehow reached the point where the stories coming from the Trumps are so ridiculous, we’re writing about his sperm.

Or, who knows, maybe those 2600 calorie McDonald’s meals turned him into some kind of mutant.

Cyrus Massoumi
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